Sunday, November 04, 2012

Denying Thyself is an Art

It's funny how the longer you live your life, the more you realize it's a contradiction. Especially if you anchor your life on a certain faith--for me, it's faith in Jesus.

It's funny, because the older you get, the more you realize the word of God is just...hard to live by. For a lot of people like me, with ambitions and goals that fulfill a certain need, it's just plain struggle when you come to a point of deciding to live for yourself or to live for Him. Let's just say being a wife and mother really hits close to home when talking about struggle. :)

But at the end of the day, when you get past that struggle point, do the right thing and live by His will instead of yours, you realize He rewards obedience. He raises the meek. He makes the last first, and the first last.

The feeling of denying yourself is not pleasant at all. But realizing what it means to God I guess eases the burden, and turns it into an act of worship. 

For didn't Jesus tell his disciples --  "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." (Luke 9:23-24)

You know what, I'd rather lose my life here on earth and gain eternity with Him. It's hard to take in, yes. Especially if you've been so used to doggedly having your way, making things happen. But who said the Christian life was ever easy, anyway? Only by grace. And only when we give Him back the glory.

And so I say denying thyself is an art. It's not easy, it takes a long time to master, and it's beautiful to our Maker. 

Photo credits: http://www.blogtheword365.com/2012/08/15/8-15-2012-what-if/

Friday, October 12, 2012

When writing the story of your life...


...don't let anyone else hold the pen.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Pilipinas: The Story Behind the Glory Roadshow

The book I helped write, Silver Linings: 25 Years of the EDSA People Power Revolution, is touring the country and the US starting this September with Pilipinas: The Story Behind the Glory book tour and documentary roadshow. The roadshow will also promote the documentary on the Philippine National Police-Special Action Force produced by former DILG Secretary Rafael Alunan III entitled Tagaligtas.

Book cover of Silver Linings


Here's the link to the roadshow teaser video: http://vimeo.com/49236869



We're kicking off the tour at the Lyceum Northern University in Dagupan on September 14 and  Philippine Military Academy in Baguio on September 15. Not sure where to next but I'll surely post about it.

Go Pinas!

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

More killers today than ever

So today I woke up early to make it to my 9 am meeting. And then they started.


Grandmother, 90, bathing in her own blood
Two ladies beaten to death by armed men
Yaya murders entire household where she was employed for 6 years
48-year old man beats his 83-year old mother to death

Only four among other murder news. On one of the few mornings I get up early expecting to greet the day with joy.

After government official Jesse Robredo's unfortunate death from a chopper crash and tributes for him every which way you turn, this.

I don't want to think that Filipinos are becoming a rotten kind of people. But maybe that's what we're turning out to be. Maybe it's inevitable.

But maybe we can at least all have soul and think beyond this rotten planet. I mean come on. Eternity awaits.

Saturday, August 04, 2012

I'll Miss the Smashing Pumpkins Concert

That, among other sentiments, makes this already overcast Saturday a tad bit gloomier. The concert will be at the Smart Araneta Coliseum, this coming Tuesday, August 7.



I think my bandmate Musselli is watching. Maybe even Rico, the one who introduced me to Smashing Pumpkins' 90s hits, is too.

For those I know who get to watch, sing your hearts out for me if they do sing 1979 or Tonight, Tonight at all. Although I've heard the new tracks they have on their new album and they sound pretty awesome, too.

It kind of sucks that I haven't blogged for nearly a year and this is the first one I talk about, I know. The sentiment is an affirmation for me to really begin pursuing the higher things in life. My not being able to watch this is just the tip of the iceberg of all other things I suddenly seem to not be able to do, or cannot do, or cannot decide to do. So I'm turning to focusing on priorities. What matters most. My very purpose on Earth, what God created me for.

I hope I don't take another whole year just figuring that out.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Stackers made me wait an hour for soup

Yes, the Stackers Auss'm Burgers restaurant in Metrowalk did this to me, just about an hour ago while having breakfast with my office teammates Karla and Lea.

To think I was the first person who told the waitress my order, and "One clam chowder" was the first thing out of my mouth, especially as the photo of the soup on their wall displays and the menu really looked yummy.

So the waitress first brought in the fries--perhaps the only surprisingly impressive thing about the place as the P60 order turned out to give you a huge serving--and then Lea's Corned Beef Brekkie, complete with coffee. Karla ordered the same thing and it was served about 15 minutes later. Time elapsed since ordering: about 20 minutes then.

And yet still no soup.

Almost an hour later, after much chat and looking over the two flat screens on the high wall showing a rugby and baseball game each, we decided to follow up on the clam chowder. The waitress looked a bit perplexed and hurried to the kitchen, and then came to our table minutes later to say, "Three minutes po for the chowder, OK lang?"

Of course it didn't take three minutes. And of course she could have been more apologetic, maybe even admitted that they forgot to prepare my order. They could have given us a complimentary soup or dish to make up for the looooong wait. Heck, even free iced tea for all I care. But all we got was a bitch face from the waitress, saying, as she served the soup finally with a steely smile, "Sorry po for the delay," and for some reason her face really didn't look sorry.

That's pretty much it. I can't remember the last time I ordered soup and having to wait an hour for it; I guess there's a first time for everything. And to that bitch-face, unapologetic waitress, wait 'til I send this to your feedback mailbox. Tsk, tsk.

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Time elapsed: one year


Today it's exactly a year since I joined the company where I'm in. And while this day posed many interesting options and a lot of crazy sh*t, I think I'll stay on longer and take to doing what I love doing most: surprise people.

Buckling up for the next speedy loop!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Never stop reading

About half an hour ago I was able to read something from one of my favorite local authors again, F. Sionil Jose (thanks to my friend Rico who sent me the link to his Philippine Star article). It's met with much delight and pondering on my part. And relief that it's circulating Facebook currently and everyone seems to "Like" it.

I'm hoping they don't stop at just "Liking" it but actually do what it challenges: Read more.

http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=726155&publicationSubCategoryId=79

Thursday, July 28, 2011

"This new self takes no prisoners"

I just had to re-post a part of this blog entry that my friend Karla shared with me. It's from Frances Amper Sales' blog. Frances is the editor of OK! Magazine Philippines. I just love how much of an empowered mother she is.

Like her, I know motherhood has changed me. But reading this has amplified that change by a hundred-fold. And I realized what she said here is also the reason I care less what people think--even much less than how much I already cared less then.
 
"With a child, I have less time now so something better be worth my time. I care less for the trivial. I care even less about what people think.

At the same time, I feel I have so much power now. So much life! I feel I can take on the world and it will bow down before me because I am a mother now. My old self died the day I shed so much blood for my son and a new self was born. And this new self takes no shit. This new self takes no prisoners. This new self has the hands that rock the cradle. And so I rule the world."


Thanks, Frances, for your re-affirming me of my newfound power. Click here to read Frances' article.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Where am I?

Taxi driver (to a security guard on the road): Boss, 'san ang Emerald Avenue?
Security Guard: Ah, Emerald na po ito!

I overheard this walking along Emerald Avenue with colleague and friend Karla, and it made me laugh aloud. I thought the driver stupid maybe, or just thought the whole thing funny.

An hour later now and I find myself thinking back on that convo. Why was it so funny? Someone's already there and he doesn't know he was until a guy on the road told him. Pretty mundane, yes, but somehow I see myself in it. Maybe that's why it made me laugh.

Because I would constantly ask myself, unknowingly, where the heck am I? I'm always out of time, out of touch to many friends, always longing to do things I used to do. Where am I?

I'm lost in a sea of work, deadlines, bills to pay, motherhood, being a wife. I'm always everywhere but nowhere, I feel. Sometimes I do get to sneak in things I fancy but it's rare that they last enough for me to lay back, put my feet up, close my eyes and just feel good.

Where am I? I can maybe ask my husband, but he'd tell me something I probably already assume. Because we're together. We're in a family, we're in a home. We're in love. But me, the girl with wild hopes and vast ambition, the woman who once did everything and anything she set her mind on, the daredevil, the adventurer...where's that girl?

Maybe I'm somewhere I already know where, but I've no security guard on the road to tell me.

Shucks. One of those days, one of those.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Theater actors, time to show muscle - Anton Juan

A good friend who's also a theater actor, Rico del Rosario, sent me an article by Anton Juan, a commentary on the "Sky Flakes and catfood" issue that is slowly but surely garnering fits of outrage from theater actors especially. That newbie filmmaker Rafa Santos should feel like a total fool right now for uttering the completely idiotic on national TV.

--
Sky Flakes and Cat Food and Grace, by Anton Juan


All utterances being signs of a greater context and foreboding, it is my duty as a Filipino artist and educator to flesh out this “Skyflakesand Cat Food” phrase. Evidently it is a symptom of indifference to the construction of words – a malaise that has arisen from the vast mouth of ignorance that is eating up our society. It is a symptom of a “wala lang” (oh, nothing really] malaise in an ABS-CBN cum GMA cum AFP formula Philippine society, where words are not the sincere and true expressions of ideas and truth. Surely in this world, where the insensitive maker of words simply utters out of formulated taxonomies, equivalences to persons, objects, and things will arise resulting in the inhumanity of meaning and cynicism.

In this case, the theatre actor has been, at the origin of the statement, designated as being equal to convenient and sustainable ---and mind you, these words are so mis-used by art and cultural managers, and we must admit, even by theatre managers. But it is the attitude and the lack of insensitivity attached to the utterance that
changes the utterance into a mockery. If the utterer, Mr. Rafa Santos, had been more aware of the field of attitudes that cloak words, and if in his intent he were to make a self parody as all theatre actors do
to “ennoble” their ridiculous talent fees, then first of all he would own the utterance in defiance of the system. But he does not. First of all he is not a theatre actor. In this case he is a celluloid or digital image-maker, with the celluloid or bullet as the medium of his craft. Secondly, his intent is clearly from the “practical” and
exploitative point of view, which is the origin of his encodification of his “skyflakes and catfood utterance” in response to why he cast theatre artist. The theatre artist therefore is now like, in this case a literal image of a stuffed cat in biology labs, to which a formulation has been attached.

And the formulation of this taxonomy is: Theatre actor= skyflakes and catfood; this equivalence translates to theatre actor = sustainable production; theatre actor = sustainable product.

Ergo: use them. They’re cheap.

But this brings us to a wider context. The question by a T.V. host posed an opposition of categories regarding casting framed in a question seeking the reason for choosing the theatre artist as cast -- Santos’ reason being, the theatre artist is: 1. Never late; 2. Is content being fed skyflakes and catfood.

Clearly in these oppositions, there are other cultural interventions: the TV./film industry and how it looks down or upon theatre artists; the theatre artists themselves who would still continue to shuttle from theatre to film/TV. --- inspite of being treated in a non-equitable way by the film industry till they get to a star level
as say Eugene Domingo and other theatre people who have climbed to the top. This statement is only a symptom of the greater system of exploitation that occurs in the industry, and the Hobbesian choices theatre artists, writers, directors, are forced to make - between the mouth of Hell and starvation. Theatre artists indeed can be treated differently from the way movie artists are. While there is a reverence for their discipline, there is in fact that other condescending attitude that yes they can be fed “skyflakes and catfood.” Yet we
theatre artists must also admit there are those among us who apart from the love of art, also love the limelight and are willing to sacrifice for this. This does not mean however that the carrot stick swung before our faces of bigger roles and bigger parts, of directing serials and advertisements that lie, carries with it the care and
pandering given to the sexy pussies (who certainly are not fed cat food) and cocks (who do not peck on the crumbs of skyflakes) who strut around the animal farm, where they get propped up in the kliegs and smoke machines, fully powdered and legally blonde or dumb. For directors there will be the fear these cocks and pussies and hopefuls hold for the “direk” a fear of not being cast in the serials, and God and those who play gods on every exploitative strata and hierarchies know what body and soul they will give to get parts. For theatre artists there is no choice. You are given this month, this number of days, and there is no pandering. Also they can change their mind if they have already assigned you shooting days. Or they can always cancel a call or a shoot. Or cancel you altogether.

So I am not in any way surprised that such a statement should come from the mouth of a petty bourgeois mouth, one which is starting his career as a film director. In fact if he were aware of histories in theatre, there was a time when we actors and directors fed on “Styrofoam” as we called that left over “kropek” made from who knows rotten shrimp shells and fish ground and made into cans and cans of neither yellow nor cream colored squares of Styrofoam that you had to down with a coke. Or cracked biscuits in cans, the discards of
factories. And that was termed as “lamay” ---KUNG may kapeng ipakain sa iyo. E yung REP nga ni tubig wala. I and Bibot used to have kape at pan de sal during Lear and Our Town rehearsals courtesy of our own
remembrance and pocket. Dulaang UP has a “Bring your own mug” policy and coffee and whatever biscuits or turn-overs from departmental parties will grace the table shared. Or Beth bless her soul, and Judy Ick and Teroy at World Theatre Project rehearsals would bring Spanish bread and pasta yet! -- kung anong meron, share. But all of these are not “institutionalized” sustainability.

THESE ARE NOT “SKYFLAKES AND CATFOOD” PAMATID GUTOM OR Consuelo de Bobo. THESE SHARING IS GRACE. GRACE, BY WHICH THE THEATRE ARTIST
LIVES.

The statement this utterer of sounds made is only a sign that yes, there is a vast exploitation of theatre artists within the system of stars of the Film industry. I also believe that this statement is a result of the contagion of the inability to express oneself in words with a definite logic of framing one’s answer before speaking. This
process is lost because precisely in the media, this is the way they speak and this has now seeped into the veins and cells of these upstarts who think they are being witty, and has seeped into the cells of the people who will, wala lang, accept such statements, wala lang, accept corruption, wala lang, that a dictator or a general thief of the country should be buried as a national hero, wala lang, that Caparas should be National Artist magaling naman cya wala lang, or the woman who gets hit by the pressing iron by a drunken philandering husband should believe he really loves her and that is the way to express it wala lang. and that wala lang, pinatay ko cya kasi wala lang, at direk sige na kahit na anu gagawin ko talaga? Sige kain ka
wala lang, kain ka ng CATFOOD, tanga!

Wala lang, utter any it's okay, people won’t remember anyway. Wala lang leads to no sense of history, to the malaise of forgetting. WE then allow these horrible myths and lies to grow and become the eventual meaning of our country and our race.

Maybe we theatre artists should also start to reflect, get stronger, and say: NO WE DO NOT ALLOW.

It is time to REFLECT, seek within ourselves why this equivalent of the theatre artist has come up from the vast mouth of ignorance. TIME TO SHOW MUSCLE.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Finally, a screenplay after eons

Yes, one by me, and a friend, Hans Estialbo, is finished after ages and ages. This screenplay for a short had been two years in the making in fact. I still hope it sees film production any time soon--somewhere in between working night and day, being a first-time Kinder mom and a five-year-and-counting wife and housemate.

I don't even know what came over me that day, I just had that urge to again do something I badly wanted to do, create something again. And then maybe that Usana energy pill helped. Or maybe it's the Cannes fever all about. Whatever it was, suddenly the screenplay vein in me popped alive again.


Basti, Bahista tells the story of a slob of a bass player who succumbs to drug addiction, battles with the challenges of unemployment, loses the only precious possession he has in life and then tries desperately to get it back. In doing so, he finds what just might be the true meaning of his life, too.(Not sure if this synopsis actually gives you a picture of anything, but I don't want to spoil it, you know. I mean, if you plan on reading the whole thing at all).

Holler at me if you want a read at it. Or if you want to produce it with me (and Hans if he's still interested).

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Juggler

I never ever thought
I'd become a juggler by profession
but today I have been very good at it.
Not quite perfect a trajectory and rhythm
as I had hoped to achieve
but I did it
only the balls were rolling
lazily around my feet
sooner than I hoped.

September 17, 2010
6:30pm, Figaro, Tomas Morato

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

After a promising SONA, P.Noy takes on ManilArt

Only a day after finding out that Noynoy's SONA seemed very promising and inspired the Filipino people to "dream again," I find out about something else about him that's actually laudable on another count. The new Philippine President, barely a month into office, is gracing the 2nd ManilArt - his "first formal engagement together with the art community.

It's refreshing that after instilling hope that something can still be done about the government and our burgeoning budget deficits, President Noynoy is also making efforts to revive art in the country, and in so doing might actually draw more people to support the industry. May this be the start of a renewed art revolution in the country!

The ManilArt exhibit led by distinguished artist Jonathan Sy will officially open on July 29 at the SMX Convention Center, and run up to August 1, 2010. Will try my best to be there. Hoep you do, too!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Strength in Weakness

“God told me ‘My grace is enough, it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’ Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen…Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size – abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” – Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Today it seems I have a million things to do, and in so little time. My own brain is in itself a microcosm that does not stop buzzing and humming with a jumble of thoughts, words, desires, chores, deadlines.

Weakness right now to me is directly proportional to a perpetual massive headache and sloshing right in the middle of the pond of Not Knowing What To Do First…all while I get anxiety attacks of how to send my daughter to school with the little that we have. Or should I home-school her? See how question after question pours in?

If God’s strength is made perfect in weakness, then let the headaches and sloshing roll in! I am letting Christ take over. Let His name be glorified once I get through!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Sierra Madre/Boston Celtics Almost-Victory


I loved looking at Mt. Sierra Madre - one of the longest mountain ranges in the Philippines - up close, and for the first time too! I got a breathtaking view even if it was only from the car, as my friends and I together with my husband Raffy made our way from Lingayen, Pangasinan (for a beach getaway weekend, which turned out to be so much fun!) down to Tarlac to go to my friend Sheen's house.




The canopy on the road, too, was just beautiful. All green and refreshing. I took several photos and here are a few of the good ones I think.




I don't know if my posting these was meant to be delayed. Because just today, over at Staples Center in LA where the NBA Finals are, the Boston Celtics  - the winning "green team" of the NBA - lost to the LA Lakers in an action-packed game 7. *Wail* Being a fan and bullying the Lakers fans in the office backfired on me!

Here's to the Celtics' almost victory, and to the Sierra Madre that I've seen up close finally for the first time!

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite

It's actually a book that my Creative Director recommends, basically for creative people to become more edgy, think out of the box. Check out Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite here. The phrase also constitutes...well, the mantra that I'm trying to imbibe for myself right this moment.

To be a well of ideas that never runs out, I think this mental state will do me a lot of good. Although it runs a bit contrary to that philosophy in another book on thinking and making decisions, entitled Blink. I've yet to read it, though.

Author Paul Arden, who also wrote other books on advertising and creativity such as It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be, was the Executive Creative Director of advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi during its hey days. His British Airways campaign is always regarded as one of the best advertising campaigns of all time.

A year before he died, he wrote a book entitled God Explained in a Taxi Ride, which (according to Wikipedia) "attempted to explain the meaning of life in 125 pages."

Take-home for me: Artists or writers like me always strive to find the best, most out-of-the-box, wowing ideas everyday...but at the end of the day always turn to God for life's true meaning I guess.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Million Dollar Idea List

It's exactly what it is, according to the book Caffeine for the Creative Mind: 250 Exercises to Wake Up Your Brain. A list of ideas that if ever produced or invented, will make you richer by a million dollars.


First on my list is a battery-operated microwave oven.

I was going to write my second one but I was reminded I need to produce copy for an event invite for one of our banking corporation clients (which I’m sure has more than a million dollars’ worth of assets). They need it this morning, or else.

Hmm. Interesting how I’m doing something giving me a teeny fraction of a million dollars when the one I’m doing it for is probably getting millions more by the second.

Back to work so I can get back to my million dollar list soon!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Afterparty


After about a month of fussing over our daughter Jaira's 3rd birthday party (that was Dora-themed, by the way) and laboring over it the whole day of the party done at Garden Ville subdivision in Calumpit, Bulacan, we took to drinking. It was Margaritas and Dry Martinis for me, my sister-in-law and a friend and cold light beer for my husband and the boys, at a place called Umbrella at The Cabanas in Malolos - pretty nice place actually, too bad I didn't take photos of the whole strip, will do soon.

Here's a nice photo of my husband and I. Hooray, and yes we didn't look as dead-tired as we really were.



As I write this, I'm trying to ignore a splitting headache, probably caused by too much thinking and writing for work since last week. I'm behind deadlines and I've a big zit sitting right beside my right eyebrow and I really want to sleep for about two days straight.

This is reminding me that marriage is still swingin' hot for me I guess - a good thing! - since things done with Raffy no matter how hard always come through on a high note, like cocktails.

That, or headaches is a way of life for me, less felt when happy things like Raffy or my dear daughter Jaira are around. :)